A high opinion about yourself and who you are
and what you do and basically a love for yourself
is also one of the things that people often miss
or have too little of in today’s society.
➿ Life becomes simpler and lighter. When you
like or love yourself more then things simply
become easier. You won’t make mountains out
of molehills (or out of plain air) nearly as often
anymore. You won’t drag yourself down or beat
yourself up over simple mistakes or over not
reaching a perfect and inhuman standard.
➿ You’ll have more inner stability . When you
like yourself more, when your opinion of yourself
goes up then you’ll stop trying so eagerly to get
validation and attention from other people. And
so you become less needy and your inner life
becomes much less of an emotional rollercoaster
based on what people may think or say about
you today or this week.
➿ Less self-sabotage. Most people’s worst
enemy are themselves. By raising and keeping
your self-esteem up you’ll feel more deserving of
good things in life. And so you’ll go after them
more often and with more motivation. And when
you get them then you’ll be a lot less likely to
self-sabotage in subtle or not so subtle ways.
➿ You’ll be more attractive in any relationship.
With better self-esteem you’ll get the benefits
listed above. You’ll be more stable and able to
handle tough times better. You’ll be less needy
and more of a natural giver. Being with you
becomes simpler and a lighter experience with a
lot less drama, arguments or fights based on
little or nothing. And all of this is attractive in
any relationships, not matter if it is with a friend,
at work or with a partner.
➿ You’ll be happier. That has been my
experience and it is why I write so much about
self-esteem and why I value my own self-esteem
so highly and try to keep it steady every day.
Because it has made my life so much happier.
So those are some of the most important whys.
But how do you improve your self-esteem in a
practical way?
Well, today I would like to share 12 of the most
powerful tips and habits I have found for
improving and maintaining my own self-esteem.
Even through the rough days and tough months.
1. Say stop to your inner critic.
A good place to start with raising your self-
esteem is by learning how to handle and to
replace the voice of your own inner critic.
We all have an inner critic.
It can spur you on to get things done or to do
things to gain acceptance from the people in
your life. But at the same time it will drag your
self-esteem down.
This inner voice whispers or shouts destructive
thoughts in your mind. Thoughts like for
example:
You are lazy and sloppy, now get to work.
You aren’t good at your job at all and someone will
figure that out and throw you out.
You are worse or uglier than your friend/co-
worker/partner.
You don’t have to accept this though. There are
ways to minimize that critical voice and to
replace it with more helpful thoughts. You can
change how you view yourself.
One way to do so is simply to say stop whenever
the critic pipes up in your mind.
You can do this by creating a stop-word or stop-
phrase.
As the critic says something – in your mind –
shout: STOP!
Or use my favorite: No, no, no, we are not going
there!
Or come up with a phrase or word that you like
that stops the train of the thought driven by the
inner critic.
Then refocus your thoughts to something more
constructive. Like planning what you want to eat
for dinner or your tactic for the next soccer
game.
In the long run it also helps a lot to find better
ways to motivate yourself than listening to your
inner critic. So let’s move on to that…
2. Use healthier motivation habits.
To make the inner critic less useful for yourself
and that voice weaker and at the same time
motivate yourself to take action and raise your
self-esteem it is certainly helps to have healthy
motivation habits.
A few that I have used to replace and fill up
much of the place that the inner critic once held
in my mind are these:
Remind yourself of the benefits. A simple but
powerful way to motivate yourself and to keep
that motivation up daily is to write down the
deeply felt benefits you will get from following
this new path or reaching a goal.
Like for example getting into better shape and
having more energy for your kids and the people
close to you. Or making more money and through
that being able to travel with the love of your life
and experience wonderful new things together.
When your list is done then save it and put it
somewhere where you will see it every day. For
instance in your workspace or on your fridge.
Refocus on doing what YOU really, really like to
do. When you really, really like doing something
then the motivation to do that thing tends to
comes pretty automatically. When you really
want something in life then it also becomes
easier to push through any inner resistance you
feel.
So if you lose your motivation, ask yourself: Am I
doing what I really want to do? If not and if
possible, then refocus and start working on that
very important thing instead.
After you have used your stop-word or phrase
focus on one of these techniques. Over time it
will become a habit and your inner critic will pop
up a lot less often.
3. Take a 2 minute self-appreciation break.
This is a very simple and fun habit. And if you
spend just two minutes on it every day for a
month then it can make huge difference.
Here’s what you do:
Take a deep breath, slow down and ask yourself
this question: what are 3 things I can appreciate
about myself?
A few examples that have come up when I have
used to this exercise are that I:
Help quite a few people each day through what I
write.
Can make people laugh and forget about their
troubles.
Am very thoughtful and caring when it comes to
our cats.
These things don’t have to be big things.
Maybe just that you listened fully for a few
minutes to someone who needed it today. That
you took a healthy walk or bike ride after work.
That you are a caring and kind person in many
situations.
These short breaks do not only build self-esteem
in the long run but can also turn a negative
mood around and reload you with a lot of positive
energy again.
4. Write down 3 things in the evening that you
can appreciate about yourself.
This is a variation of the habit above and
combining the two of them can be extra powerful
for two boosts in self-esteem a day.
Or you may simply prefer to use this variation at
the end of your day when you have some free
time for yourself to spare.
What you do is to ask yourself the question from
the last section:
What are 3 things I can appreciate about myself?
Write down your answers every evening in a
journal made out of paper or on your computer/
smart phone.
A nice extra benefit of writing it down is that
after a few weeks you can read through all the
answers to get a good self-esteem boost and
change in perspective on days when you may
need it the most.
5. Do the right thing.
When you do what you deep down think is the
right thing to do then you raise and strengthen
your self-esteem.
It might be a small thing like getting up from the
couch and going to the gym. It could be to be
understanding instead of judgmental in a
situation. Or to stop feeling sorry for yourself
and focus on the opportunities and gratitude for
what you actually have.
It is not always easy to do. Or even to know
what the right thing is. But keeping a focus on it
and doing it as best you can makes big
difference both in the results you get and for
how you think about yourself.
One tip that makes it easier to stay consistent
with doing the right thing is to try to take a few
such actions early in the day. Like for example
giving someone a compliment, eating a healthy
breakfast and working out.
This sets the tone for the rest of your day.
6. Replace the perfectionism.
Few thought habits can be so destructive in daily
life as perfectionism.
It can paralyze you from taking action because
you become so afraid of not living up to some
standard. And so you procrastinate and you do
not get the results you want. This will make your
self-esteem sink.
Or you take action but are never or very rarely
satisfied with what you accomplished and your
own performance. And so your opinion and
feelings about yourself become more and more
negative and your motivation to take action
plummets.
How can you overcome perfectionism?
A few things that really helped me are:
Go for good enough. When you aim for perfection
then that usually winds up in a project or a task
never being finished. So simply go for good
enough instead. Don’t use it as an excuse to
slack off. But simply realize that there is
something called good enough and when you are
there then you are finished.
Remember that buying into myths of perfection
will hurt you and the people in your life. This
simple reminder that life is not like in a movie, a
song or a book can be good reality check
whenever you are daydreaming of perfection.
Because reality can clash with your expectations
when they are out of this world and harm or
even possibly lead to the end of relationships,
jobs, projects and so on.
7. Handle mistakes and failures in a more
positive way.
If you go outside of your comfort zone, if you try
to accomplish anything that is truly meaningful
then you will stumble and fall along the way.
And that is OK. It is normal. It is what people
that did something that truly mattered have done
throughout all ages. Even if we don’t always hear
about it as much as we hear about their
successes.
So remember that. And when you stumble try
this:
Be your own best friend. Instead of beating
yourself up, ask yourself: How would my friend/
parent support me and help me in this situation?
Then do things and talk to yourself like he or she
would. It keeps you from falling into a pit of
despair and helps you to be more constructive
after the first initial pain of a mistake or failure
starts to dissipate.
Find the upside. Another way to be more
constructive in this kind of situation is to focus
on optimism and opportunities. So ask yourself:
what is one thing I can learn from this? And
what is one opportunity I can find in this
situation? This will help you to change your
viewpoint and hopefully not hit the same bump a
little further down the road.
8. Be kinder towards other people.
When you are kinder towards others you tend to
treat and think of yourself in a kinder way too.
And the way you treat other people is how they
tend to treat you in the long run.
So focus on being kind in your daily life.
You can for example:
Just be there and listen as you let someone
vent.
Hold up the door for the next person.
Let someone into your lane while driving.
Encourage a friend or a family member when
they are uncertain or unmotivated.
Take a few minutes help someone out in a
practical way.
9. Try something new.
When you try something new, when you
challenge yourself in a small or bigger way and
go outside of your comfort zone then your
opinion of yourself goes up.
You may not have done whatever you did in a
spectacular or great way but you at least tried
instead of sitting on your hands and doing
nothing.
And that is something to appreciate about
yourself and it can help you come alive as you
get out of a rut.
So go outside of your comfort zone regularly.
Don’t expect anything, just tell yourself that you
will try something out.
And then later on you can do the same thing a
few more times and improve your own
performance.
And as always, if it feels too scary or
uncomfortable then don’t beat yourself up. Take
a smaller step forward instead by gently nudging
yourself into motion.
10. Stop falling into the comparison trap.
When you compare your life, yourself and what
you have to other people’s lives and what they
have then you have destructive habit on your
hands.
Because you can never win. There is always
someone who has more or is better than you at
something in the world. There are always people
ahead of you.
So replace that habit with something better.
Look at how far you have come so far instead.
Compare yourself to yourself. Focus on you. On
your results. And on how you can and how you
have improved your results. This will both
motivate you and raise your self-esteem.
11. Spend more time with supportive people (and
less time with destructive people).
Even if you focus on being kinder towards other
people (and yourself) and on replacing a
perfectionism habit it will be hard to keep your
self-esteem up if the most important influences
in your life drag it down on a daily or weekly
basis.
So make changes in the input you get. Choose to
spend less time with people who are nervous
perfectionists, unkind or unsupportive of your
dreams or goals. And spend more time with
positive, uplifting people who have more human
and kinder standards and ways of thinking about
things.
And think about what you read, listen to and
watch too. Spend less time on an internet forum,
with reading a magazine or watching a TV-show
if you feel it makes you unsure of yourself and if
it makes you feel more negatively towards
yourself.
Then spend the time you used to spend on this
information source on for example reading books,
blogs, websites and listening to podcasts that
help you and that make you feel good about
yourself.
12. Remember the whys of high self-esteem.
What is a simple way to stay consistent with
doing something? As mentioned above: to
remember the most important reasons why you
are doing it.
So remind yourself of the whys at the start of
this article to help yourself to stay motivated to
work on your self-esteem and to make it an
essential priority.
Doing this simple thing and keeping these
powerful reasons in mind has done wonders for
me. I hope it can do the same for you.
Helpful?, pls leave your comments
IG. @Anieboy145
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